I've Moved!: remembering jess

When I was in 9th grade I moved from St. Louis, MO to Dublin Ohio. I was so sad to be leaving behind my friends and I cried....and I cried...and I cried....for hours of the car ride to Ohio. At one point, I wanted to cry but couldn't anymore. I had literally run out of tears. My eyes burned - they hurt so bad. I told my mom my eyes were burning, I was in pain, and I had no more tears to make it stop stinging and she told me "well, then you must have cried enough". It kind of felt mean at the time (she did give me water and stopped for eye drops) but it was true. Very, very true.

I felt that same burn this week when I received the news of the passing of my dear, dear friend Jess. Jess was the first friend I made when I moved to Colorado after college. We were both so very young, so new in our careers and so very similar. She was a mid-west girl (from Iowa), had 2 sisters, parents divorced when she was in college, she got married the exact same day as my sister-in-law, and our dads even remarried on the exact same day. She introduced me to her scrapbooking group, I sucked her into my bookclub group, we played on a softball team together, and we nurtured a mutual love of football, beer, the Beatles, board games, living loud, and playing hard.

When we moved to Chicago Jess and her husband Don came to visit us not once but twice and we saw them often when we returned to Colorado (except the one time we asked them to meet us at the Breckenridge Brewery and they drove all the way to Breckenridge to see us when in fact we were waiting for them with beers at the Brewery in downtown Denver. They are always good for fun, quirky stories like that!). Jess and I were pregnant at the same time, compared growing belly photos, and welcomed our first babies within two weeks of each other. We returned to Colorado and our families spent so much time together. We took the kids to the zoo, the Butterfly Pavilion, spent weekends in Breckenridge, visited the pumpkin patch, watched football...I could go on and on....

About 2 years ago, Jess left her job and we each welcomed second children (me 2 years ago, her 9 months ago). There was less time to play and more committments. We were all so busy and even though its hard to admit, Jess was getting sick. She was struggling to find her way, to make peace with the many demands in her life and she was diagnosed with post partum psychosis. I knew she was hurting, but I truly didn't know how very sick she was. I saw her nearly everyday when we picked up at daycare, at birthday parties, and even got sitters recently to have a couples night out at the comedy club. She talked so openly about her diagnosis and we spent many nights exchanging stories about the demands of motherhood and how much we longed to be the "perfect" moms and would do anything for our kids.

Jess fought hard against her illness, but succumbed on Friday, August 20th. She leaves behind a beautiful family - her husband Don, Andrew (3) and Hanna (9 months). I never knew the true extent of her pain, but I can only hope she has now found peace. Her quirky, fiesty zest for life will live on in her sweet babies and we will always watch over them with her in our hearts.

I'm trying so hard not to be selfish because there are so many who loved her and her death has impacted so many, but I just miss her. I miss my friend. She was a bright light in my world that burned out far too early. I will hold her memory and her babies close. I will eat a big piece of cheese and drink an even bigger beer when I watch the next Bears/Packers game and I will miss her and I will always, always wish she was here with us.

I spent hours sorting through pictures and although I want to share them all, I pulled together just a few of my favorites....

Murder Mystery Party