my cup runneth over

B and I were lucky enough to spend the evening with these 4 sweet faces. How fortunate are we to have these wonderful kiddos in our life? I am so full of love, life and gratitude. My cup truly runneth over.....

Cruel, cruel reality crept up on me tonight....it kinda felt like a sucker punch. It knocked the wind out of me. As the kids played in the yard I just kept waiting for Jess. I couldn't shake the feeling that she was on her way over (like usual). Then like a ton of bricks it hit me - shes' not coming over, she's not swinging by, she's not going to laugh with us, and hug us, and take her sweet babies home and give them dinner and baths and put them to bed. She's not going to post on my facebook wall, she's not going to set up playdates and mommy's night outs. She won't be at birthday parties or at daycare when I pick up. Jess is gone and I couldn't breathe. I miss her and my heart aches.

Lucky for me, these kiddos don't give you much time to wallow and I was quickly referring a fight between Annabelle and Andrew over Tinkerbell flip flops. They both wanted them. Then I was caught right in the middle of the fight between Gwyneth and Hanna over my lap. They both wanted to sit on it. Then I watched as Annabelle and Andrew ran, played, giggled and hugged each other. I watched Gwyneth playing so sweetly with Hanna, holding her hand and sharing with her. I started breathing again. I'll never understand why Jess is gone and I'll never stop missing her, but I am happy and lucky and grateful for these sweet little people.